I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
