you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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