I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize