Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
