Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
