10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
