I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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