you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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