We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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