you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
