no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
