My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
