He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
