u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
