I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
