I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
