Sry I called you an 8
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
