Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
