You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i will never coherently bang her
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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