Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Randomize
