Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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