Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
