I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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