I CAN MOONWALK!
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
The air was thick with penises
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
