I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
