i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Bring me that man meat
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
