He told me they were just razor bumps!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
