so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
