I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
3pm strippers are depressing
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Come on in and take your pants off
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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