I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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