Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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