I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize