Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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