I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
