After last night, I could never be a politician.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
