He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize