he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
