if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
