and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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