So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
