i would punch a child for taco bell
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
