i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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