did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
