the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
