When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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