I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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