I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
not ubering you a puppy
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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