i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
