i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
