After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
