"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
