a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
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