What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
