drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize