she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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