dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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