Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
