forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
