i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
