Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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