When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
