I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
