haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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