I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
