i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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