what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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