Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
