It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
