WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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