so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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