She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
