i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
His hands were made for my vagina.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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