stop calling my apartment porn island.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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