she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
so much tequila, so little girl.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
