His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
