So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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