I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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